Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
