The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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