she woke up with a sticky ear
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
