nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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