lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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