he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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