Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
