moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
