Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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