hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize