I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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