I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
