things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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