Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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