Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
