Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
