its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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