I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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