IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
