Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
