my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
