I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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