fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
