On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
