The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
