Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
