You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
