Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
