i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
