just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just had sex bonerless
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
