I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
