And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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