I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
