Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
