Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Success! We fucked roommates!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
