Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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