I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
