Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize