And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
