I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
