I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Semen is not good for contacts.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
