Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
