i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
