The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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