My nipple is on Facebook.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
