I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
