Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
