Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
