I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I believe in your delicious
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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