those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
