just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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