two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
