um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
