Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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