who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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