i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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