I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
