He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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