Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
