either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
