dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
