I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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