I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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