I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
