Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
